Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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