even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
