I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
