I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
