Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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