I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
