hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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