it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Houston, we have a blender
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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