I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
