Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
