Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
