Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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