I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
