and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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