If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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