I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
