I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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