This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
