Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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