Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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