she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
