He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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