just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
