I saw his package. It spoke to me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
