WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
