Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
