i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
