HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
