im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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