You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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