She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
