It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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