Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
