If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
