ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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