idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
