I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
