I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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