what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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