I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
