Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
