it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
