You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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