Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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