she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
