the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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