you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
