my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
