I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
