Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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